urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:bluephoenixes chaos within the peace bluephoenixes 2008-09-29T09:15:13Z urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:bluephoenixes:867 2008-09-29T09:15:13Z 2008-09-29T09:15:13Z resident evil: extinction soundtrack I have been sick for so long and no one can figure out what it is. it is 5:04 am and I have spent the entire night looking into a bowl trying my hardest to loose what little I had for dinner this night. I dont get it I mean wasnt it enough that I got abused as a kid by my mother and by my classmates. What the heck did I do to deserve this torture? I am tired of always being the one who is weak of always being the one who cant do anything. I want to be well again, I want to be able to date again. To feel the warmth of a mans arms around me or the taste of a womans lips. I miss that and dammit I need love. It would be easier if I just knew what was wrong I dont care if I am dieing I just want to know one way or another. I tried taking a pain pill today it was prescribed for me a while ago and I hoped it would work but it made it ten times worse. I am a fanfic writer as well as a science fiction/horror writer but everytime I get sick I cant seem to work on it. My head is so fuzzy at times I feel like I am not here at all. If there is a god out there he hates me, my goddess Isis I know that she is busy and I pray to her that somehow someway things will work out. This time the pain is different and so maybe just maybe they will find something. This week I am getting some tests and also seeing a couple more doctors so whoever reads this wish me luck, urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:bluephoenixes:588 2005-10-04T07:38:42Z 2005-10-04T07:38:42Z Mummer's Dance-Loreena Mckennitt I know alot of people say it is hard to right a poem. Well for me if I said it it would be bullshit. Give me a subject any subject and I can write a poem about it. It might not be Shakespeare but it will be good. I have alwasy been a good poet, it started when I was little and I would sing during recess because I was bored. Most of my poems could be made into songs I jut have to find some one who could write the music for it. I love to sing but I am horrible without music with music I am tolerable.Yesterday was a bad day for me I didn't get to sleep till 8 in the morning and I slept till five. I have been sick lately and just wish i got better already. I got this email from some guy who thinks he is either harry potter or tom riddle sometimes both. I forgot to email him for a week because I have been sick and the guy emails me going how Tom is cryin and I better have a good excuse for not emailing and by the way harry and tom are now married and going at it like bunnies. He conviently leaves out he could have emailed me too, but no apparently it my job to email him he doesn't have to do it at all. I read one of keikokins old works called invitation to seduction god I will never grow tired of that one. Keikokin is a truly awesome writer and I wish had half of keikokins, oh I am good at writing very good but keikokins just has a way of writing that pulls you in and never lets you go. Most of my poetry tends to be dark and gloomy but after reading one of her fics I can write a really fluffy one. I will be posting some of my old stuff up her and will eventually put up some newer stuff I just don't know when. OH well got to go feed the cats. ~Bye urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:bluephoenixes:435 2005-10-03T07:23:59Z 2005-10-03T07:23:59Z Myth of Fingerprints ~Paul Simon I have written alot of fics, well alot of poetry that can be fics also. All of my work is up on adultfanfiction.net. My problem with that website is almost no one reviews. Well this is my first entry. I had a good day. Excet the part where my dad decided he wanted to have a family night and rent a movie. He knows I hate scary movies he knows that so what does he rent. Come on just guess. He got M. Night Shyamalan's "The Village". I almost smacked him. Well it was a good movie, the parts I could bring my selkf to watch.Don't get me wrong I love scary movies when there is someone there with me to hold my hand other then that please please leave me out. The cats decided they needed to destroy the leather chair and then use me as a scratching post. Gah the agony. Then they had the nerve to try and cuddle with me and purr like they didn't just try to rip my leg off. The fun of weekends just seem to skip right over me.